Podcast Ep. 02 – Primary School Leavers

Primary School Leavers

If your child has just left primary school and is transitioning to secondary school, then this podcast is for you! Lucy and Dale chat about how you can support your child’s transition, it’s full of great advice and top tips.

Podcast EP. 01 – Men’s Mental Health

Men’s Mental Health

In our first podcast, Cat Adlam – Psychotherapist at The Retreat Clinics – talks to Dale Bartleson from YO1 York about men’s mental health, vulnerability and weakness and stigma.

Movement: Moving More For Our Mental Health

Have you ever wondered why health professionals keep focusing on physical health when dealing with mental health? The answer is easy – they are connected. If you can improve your physical activity, even just an extra five minutes a day, you can be supporting not only your physical health but also your mental health.

How?

The benefits of physical activity on mental health are varied but include:

• increases self-esteem – you can gain a sense of achievement which then supports you to set new goals thereby improving motivation, confidence and reduced social isolation.
• releases chemicals in the brain that impact mood positively – the impact of such chemicals can help reduce anxiety and depression and negative mood.
• decreases stress – cortisol and adrenaline are the body’s stress hormones and exercise can help reduce these within the body.
• reduces fatigue – ironically exercise reduces fatigue and can increase alertness and concentration.
• improves sleep – a better quality of sleep can be the product of regular exercise.
• Can reduce somatic trauma manifestations – activities such as yoga, medication, stillness, massage, and breath work can support trauma processing and bring relief to the body and mind.

Just five minutes a day can help so find your exercise: are you a walker, or a chair exerciser, are you a gym goer or a dancer in your bedroom to your favourite tunes? Whatever it is, it all counts, and it will all support your mental health in positive ways! Try it!

Impact of Long-term Health Problems on Romantic Relationships

Any health problems can negatively impact romantic relationships, but when these health problems are long-term, will be permanent or are terminal, this can have significant implications for the couple/throuple. Not only does each partner need to process their own feelings about the health problem and the effect, but they also need to establish a way of being together that is both self and other supporting. These are extremely challenging considerations to examine, and they can put the relationship under increasing strain. Some people might find themselves withdrawing whereas others become clingy and over possessive. Often these behaviours are rooted in their own early attachment experiences and these then surface and impact in the here and now.

When health problems involve surgery or invasive treatments, this can impact the way we see ourselves and others and some common experiences are:

• You may feel less attractive or less lovable. Being able to talk openly about how you feel and acknowledge any assumptions about what you believe your partner/s feels, can be an important starting point towards better understanding. Likewise, these conversations can result in practical changes and adaptations that could help move your relationship/s back into a more connected place.
• You might be treated differently by your partner/s. Partners can step into a caring role which can significantly impact on intimacy and connectivity. This is extremely painful, but once identified, a couple can restore their intimate connections through dialogue and understanding.
• Communication difficulties can emerge. Communication is vital in relationships, but communicating about the difficult things is hard. Here at The Retreat Clinics, we have a team of experienced relationship therapists who can help you examine how you communicate and then explore what changes you would like to take place. This can lead to greater connectivity with your partner/s and agreement between you of suitable ways forward, whether that be in practical steps, greater emotional connection, support managing the expectations of children or supporting ongoing physical intimacy.

Health problems can significantly impact relationships, but you do not have to struggle on alone. The Retreat Clinics is here to help you and are just a phone call away. For more information Click here 

 

Advice for parents, guardians and friends of university students.

Advice for parents, guardians and friends of university students.

Are you concerned about a student at university, who you think may be struggling? Perhaps you’ve noticed a drop in motivation, or a change in their behaviour, difficulties in sleeping or in engaging with their studies. It can be hard to know what to say or how to help, especially if you are a parent or guardian some distance away and worried about a young person during their first time living away from home.

Transition and change can be challenging.

Moving to University and engaging with degree level studies can be hard for many different reasons. Transition and change are challenging for all of us, and it is normal to struggle with unexpected feelings and reactions when going through a time of change. Students can experience anxiety or homesickness, doubts about their abilities or motivation, and the loss of their usual friendship group and support network. Making friends and adjusting to a new place may not be easy.

Parents and guardians may struggle with the change in family life too, with a young adult moving away to university. Although this is a normal phase in family life, it can be hard to adjust to the loss of being a parent to a younger child, as the relationship changes and develops. Added to this, worries about a young person who is not doing so well can be difficult to manage at a distance.

How you can help

Firstly, it might be helpful and reassuring to let the person know that you are concerned about them, reminding them that you have them in mind and that you care. In time, this might allow a space for you to offer them a different perspective on a situation.

• Talk to them about how change is unsettling, and this is normal, especially when so much around them is new to them.
• Let them know you are there, if they would like to talk, about how they are feeling generally or about anything that has happened. Let them know that you understand they may find it easier to talk about some things to someone else, and you would like to help them do this.
• Encourage them to express their worries in whichever way they find easiest, perhaps by writing them down or talking to you or a friend, so that they can better describe to themselves what they’re finding hard. They might find these things can then be approached step-by step, or can be prioritized, which may help them feel less overwhelmed.
• Ask them to think about how they have managed other challenges before, or what they would say to a friend in their situation who is struggling.
• Encourage them to spend time with others, in whichever way they enjoy most, as this can make a big difference to how we feel. You might help them find out about clubs or other student activities.
• Help them find out about student union and student support services, which can provide a safe space for mental health and emotional support, for general advice and help with many aspects of student life, and for help linking up with local services if needed. You might ask if they would like you to talk to their academic tutor or help them to do so.
• Outside of University support, you might suggest that they check out online support for young people such as Young Minds and The Mix – Essential support for under 25s. It could also be helpful to encourage them to register with a local GP or medical practice, so that they can access further support if needed.

 

What to do if you are seriously concerned about a young person’s mental health

If you are very concerned, for whatever reason, about a young person at University.

• Suggest that they tell others how they are feeling. Encourage them to seek support with both the University and with a local GP. You could help them to find contact information for student support or local NHS services.
• Share with them the contact details for NHS mental health crisis support services in their area, so that they have these just in case, should they ever need them.
• If the person lives on campus, find out the contact details for the University security team, and contact them if you believe the person is in serious difficulty or at risk of harm.

At any time, if you are concerned about the person being at imminent risk of life-threatening harm, call emergency services on 999.

Looking after your own wellbeing

It can be hard to remember to look after ourselves, when we are concerned about someone else. Try to be kind to yourself and remember that this time of change may well be difficult for you and your wider family too. Try to make sure you’re not alone in supporting your young person, without support yourself, and remember that specialist and professional help is available if needed.

Organisations such as The Charlie Waller Trust offer support and advice to parents of young people struggling with their mental health.

At The Retreat Clinics, we can offer therapeutic support to students, parents, and families, and have a wide range of specialist therapies available. Our team of therapists and psychiatrists are here to help and can be accessed from our welcoming clinics in Manchester or York, or online. If you would like to book an appointment with one of our therapists Click Here

 

Express yourself with art therapy

Do you sometimes feel its difficult to really explain how you are feeling in words? There are other ways you can express how you feel…

Sometimes it’s a sound, like a sigh or a scream. Or an action that helps people understand how you are feeling, like when you cry or tense up.

Being able to express yourself using art materials can be another way to help you and others understand your feelings.

Like splashing some paint around to show you are confused or excited.

Or stamping your hands into some clay to vent your anger.

Or making marks with pens or pencils to express your frustration with something.

Or making a drawing to help you work something through which is making you anxious or sad.

Art can be a great way to express yourself; it can be a mindful experience to calm your anxiety, it can be an expressive activity to work through your problems and share with people you feel safe with.

You could see an art therapist and use art materials and making as part of the therapeutic process. Art therapy can redirect attention away from worrying thoughts which in turn can help regulate the nervous system. If this is something you are interested in for either your self or your child, please contact the Retreat Clinics.

Low Self Esteem

Self-esteem is a critical aspect of our mental health and overall well-being. It’s the foundation of our self-perception, influencing how we see ourselves, how we interact with others, and how we navigate the world around us. High self-esteem can lead to a more positive outlook on life, increased resilience in the face of challenges, and better relationships. On the other hand, low self-esteem can limit our potential, causing us to miss out on opportunities and experiences. Therefore, learning how to improve self-esteem is a vital step towards personal growth and development.

The importance of self-esteem cannot be overstated. It is closely linked to our happiness, success, and satisfaction in life. When we have healthy self-esteem, we are more likely to pursue our goals with confidence, take care of our physical, emotional, and mental health, and maintain strong, fulfilling relationships. Furthermore, improving self-esteem can help combat issues like anxiety and depression. Here are some practical tips and strategies to boost your self-esteem, supporting you on your journey to a more confident and empowered self.

What is Low Self-Esteem?

Low self-esteem is characterised by a lack of confidence and feeling bad about oneself. People with low self-esteem often feel unlovable, awkward, or incompetent. Common symptoms of low self-esteem include heavy self-criticism and regularly comparing oneself to others. People with low self-esteem often have trouble accepting compliments and will frequently downplay their own achievements. They may exhibit social withdrawal or shyness, increased susceptibility to stress, and mental health issues like depression and anxiety.

Understanding the Causes of Low Self-Esteem

Low self-esteem is often rooted in early life experiences, but various factors can contribute to its development. Understanding these causes is the first step towards addressing and improving low self-esteem.

Childhood Experiences: Negative experiences during childhood, such as persistent criticism, bullying, neglect, or abuse, can significantly impact a person’s self-esteem. Children who grow up without adequate validation and support from their parents or caregivers may struggle with feelings of worthlessness and inadequacy into adulthood.

Trauma and Abuse: Traumatic experiences at any stage of life, including physical, sexual, or emotional abuse, can cause a person to develop a negative self-image. Victims of trauma or abuse may blame themselves for what happened, leading to feelings of shame and a decreased sense of self-worth.

Societal Pressure and Comparisons: Society often imposes unrealistic standards related to appearance, success, and behaviour. Regular exposure to such standards, especially through media, can lead to comparisons, making individuals feel inferior if they do not measure up.

Mental Health Disorders: Certain mental health conditions, like depression and anxiety, are closely linked with low self-esteem. These conditions can generate negative thoughts and feelings about oneself, further lowering self-esteem.

Failure or Setbacks: Experiencing failures or setbacks in significant areas of life, such as career or relationships, can cause a person to question their abilities and worth, leading to lower self-esteem.

Health Issues: Chronic physical health problems can also impact self-esteem, especially if they lead to changes in appearance or physical capabilities.

Recognising causes is a crucial step in the journey towards improving self-esteem. It’s important to remember that everyone’s experience with self-esteem is unique, and different people might have different causes for their low self-esteem. By understanding these causes, individuals can start to challenge their negative self-perceptions and work towards building a healthier and more positive self-image.

The Connection Between Depression, Anxiety, and Low Self-Esteem

The relationship between depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem is complex and intertwined. Each can influence and exacerbate the other, creating a cycle that can be challenging to break.

Depression often involves feelings of worthlessness, guilt, and a negative outlook on life. These symptoms align closely with the characteristics of low self-esteem. Individuals with low self-esteem frequently have negative thoughts about themselves and their abilities, which can trigger depressive symptoms. Over time, these depressive symptoms can further lower their self-esteem, creating a vicious cycle.

Similarly, low self-esteem can also contribute to anxiety. People with low self-esteem may live in constant fear of making mistakes or not living up to their own or others’ expectations because they believe they are inadequate or inferior. This excessive worry and fear can manifest as anxiety. In turn, living with chronic anxiety can further erode self-esteem, as individuals may start to negatively judge themselves for their anxious feelings and behaviours.

Conversely, both depression and anxiety can lead to low self-esteem. Living with these mental health conditions can make individuals feel different, isolated, or less capable than others, leading to a decrease in self-esteem. They might blame themselves for their mental health issues, leading to feelings of shame and a further decline in self-worth.

In essence, low self-esteem, depression, and anxiety are deeply connected, each one potentially leading to and reinforcing the others. This interconnection underscores the importance of addressing all three issues in treatment. Improving self-esteem can be a significant step in managing depression and anxiety, just as effectively treating depression and anxiety can boost self-esteem.

Strategies for Overcoming Low Self-Esteem

Overcoming low self-esteem requires a multi-faceted approach that focuses on both internal and external factors. Internally, it’s essential to engage in positive self-talk and affirmations. These involve regularly reminding yourself of your worth, achievements, and strengths. Also, practicing mindfulness and meditation can help in managing negative thoughts and emotions about oneself. Reading self-help books and seeking professional help from psychologists or therapists can provide techniques and strategies to improve self-esteem.

Externally, surrounding yourself with positive influences is crucial. This means associating with people who uplift you, believe in you, and inspire you to be the best version of yourself. Engaging in activities that make you happy and boost your confidence can also contribute significantly to improving self-esteem. Furthermore, physical exercise not only improves health but also promotes a positive body image and increases feel-good hormones, contributing to healthier self-esteem. Remember, overcoming low self-esteem is a journey and it’s okay to have ups and downs along the way.

The Role of Therapy in Improving Self-Esteem

At The Retreat Clinics, we understand that low self-esteem can be crippling, influencing every aspect of your life. That’s why our starting point for therapy is to offer an individual consultation to think with you about your worries or concerns and identify the approach to therapy that is most likely to help. We firmly believe in a personalised approach as each individual is unique and so are their struggles with self-esteem.

Among the therapeutic approaches we employ, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) could help you identify negative thought patterns that lead to low self-esteem and equips you with strategies to challenge and change these thoughts. It encourages a more realistic and positive outlook on oneself.

Cognitive Analytic Therapy (CAT), or another exploratory therapy could help you to identify and change patterns in relationships and behaviours that contribute to low self-esteem.

Integrative Therapy combines elements from different therapy styles like psychodynamic, humanistic, and cognitive-behavioural therapies. This blended approach allows us to tailor the therapy to your specific needs and circumstances, providing a holistic solution to low self-esteem. At The Retreat Clinics, we aim to empower you to regain control over your self-perception and lead a more fulfilling, confident life.

Self-esteem is closely tethered to our overall happiness, success, and satisfaction. It’s a cornerstone for our mental health and well-being, playing an instrumental role in shaping our self-perception. From the way we view ourselves to how we engage with others and make sense of our environment, self-esteem has a profound impact. A healthy level of self-esteem not only fosters a positive life perspective, resilience, and enriching relationships but also propels us towards personal growth and development.

Should you find yourself struggling with low self-esteem, don’t hesitate to connect with The Retreat Clinics. We offer effective therapy, evaluation, and support for adults, children, and young people seeking to enhance their lives. Our services are accessible either from our clinics in York and Manchester or virtually. Start your journey towards improvement by filling out a self-referral form available at this link: https://theretreatclinics.org.uk/adult-self-referral-form-for-general-therapies-services/.

How to care for someone following the loss of a child.

This blog contains emotionally sensitive information, please take care. If you feel that you need to talk to someone more urgently than therapy, please find a list of useful organisations who offer support below. If you feel that you need immediate support, please contact The Samaritans or your GP or other forms of crisis support.

The loss of a child profoundly impacts the lives of parents and their loved ones.  When someone you care about has lost a child, it can be hard to know how best to support them. Each person’s grief experience is unique, and finding the right words can be hard.  Often, we worry about saying the wrong thing or upsetting the person which can lead to us not saying anything at all or becoming distant from them.

Below are some ideas on how best to support someone who has been through the devastating loss of a child.

• Ask the person if they’d like to talk and let them lead the conversation. They will know whether they want to continue, or whether they need time away from the conversation.
• Use the child’s name and when they are ready, share your memories – keeping their memory alive and respecting their existence is important for many parents in this situation.
• Be accepting of all their feelings – it is quite normal for the parent to feel angry- at the situation, at the child for dying, at the system around them. In an attempt to provide comfort, people sometimes sharing well-meaning phrases like ‘everything happens for a reason’ or ‘time will heal’ etc. Instead of sharing your beliefs around death, focus on compassionate listening, and let them know its ok to experience a range of emotions, and there is no timeline for grief. Through acknowledging all their emotions, you can normalise these and make it a safe place for them to talk.
• Understand that something this traumatic will have a significant effect on them. They may act differently – such as seeming distant or detached. This can be common when the pain we feel is overwhelming as the mind protects itself by taking a step away.
• Consider inviting them to coffee or to meet with friends – sometimes we worry that we shouldn’t invite a bereaved parent to socialise, however this can sometimes be a welcome distraction depending on how they feel that day. Don’t be disheartened if they do not accept the offer, they might feel differently next time, or may still appreciate the invitation.
• Remember that grieving can take different lengths of time for different people, and don’t give up after a few weeks. After the funeral, support and offers of help often drop away, keeping contacting and offering help and support where you can is often well received.
• During this challenging time, it can become hard to perform everyday tasks, this can be particularly challenging if the parent has other children to care for. Offering practical assistance such as dropping off a meal, offering to run errands, offering to pick up their other children from clubs etc. can be a way to show your support.
• Hold the space and the silence – sometimes people just want to be around other people for comfort, but do not want to talk or don’t know the right words. Don’t feel the need to fill the silence or “make them feel happy”, instead, be there for whatever it is they need in that moment. That may be that they want to cry, shout or simply just ‘be’.
• When the person is ready, they might want to reach out to specialist organisations for support. We have listed a range of links for various support organisations below; nobody is ever alone in their grief.

Here at The Retreat Clinics, we offer specialist support for bereavement, and for those who are supporting someone who is bereaved and want a space to talk and process their emotions. We offer open-ended, non-judgemental support at our clinics in Manchester, York and Online.

For more information on how we could help, please visit www.theretreatclinics.org.uk or email info@theretreatclinics.org.uk

 

Useful links:

Coping with losing a child – The Good Grief Trust

Child Bereavement UK

Sands    Stillbirth and neonatal support for families

SUDC UK             Support and information following Sudden Unexplained Death in Childhood

Citizens Advice Bureau   What to do after a death

The Miscarriage Association        Support following miscarriage, molar or ectopic pregnancy

5 Top Tips For Dealing With Grief At Christmas

Linda Bower – Psychotherapist at The Retreat Clinics shares her tops tips with how to deal with grief.

1. It is okay to feel sad and it’s okay to feel happy: Christmas is a hard time of year to grieve. Many people around us are laughing and swapping gifts and you might feel disconnected from it all. Or you might feel guilty that you are able to laugh too. Don’t be afraid to feel what you feel but don’t try to feel happy if you aren’t.
2. Spend time with the people who care: Allow yourself to be surrounded by those who care for you and who want to help you cope with Christmas without your loved one. Let them help you.
3. It is okay to talk about the deceased: Sharing stories of Christmases past with the deceased can help bring some comfort whilst also recognising that it might be painful. You have permission to share the love you shared.
4. Do not expect too much from yourself: Be kind to yourself and remember that grief is exhausting and will affect you physically, cognitively and emotionally. Take time to rest.
5. Remember grief is the price we pay for loving – don’t stop loving to avoid losing.

We offer therapy for bereavement and loss at both of our clinics in Manchester and York and also online. For more information please get in touch.

 

 

Paranoia

At times we all have anxious or suspicious thoughts, about ourselves or about other’s intentions, behaviour or feelings towards us. To some degree this is an important and healthy aspect of being able to look after ourselves and our safety.

For some people however, these thoughts can become exaggerated, fixed and distressing. Over time they may become part of a wider set of ideas or beliefs about the world around them, which might include worries about groups or organisations having a collective hostility towards them. This causes anxious and distrustful feelings and can have a negative impact on relationships, work and every day life, as people feel more defensive, hostile or aggressive.

For some people it can be difficult to know whether these thoughts and worries are realistic or paranoid. Where these thoughts become established and cause fear and upset which interferes with daily life, where there is no definite evidence for the suspicion or where few if any other people share your view, an important first step can be to talk to your GP.

People with a tendency towards paranoid thoughts experience this in different ways, but might struggle with:

• Creating or maintaining steady relationships
• Hypervigilance, constantly assessing potential threats around
• Forgiveness
• Relaxing
• Worry about being tricked or taken advantage of
• Find it hard to compromise of accept criticism

Some things which might help are:

• keeping a diary to identify what might be contributing to your worries, to track how often suspicious thoughts occur and notice the impact they have on you.
• try to develop a flexible mindset – for example considering the possibility that what you think is true may not be true, so that you can consider what alternative perspectives there could be. You could consider asking other people who you trust to help you think about alternative possibilities.
• Over-worrying can be associated with sleep difficulties, and being tired can make paranoia worse. You may find it helpful to get professional help with any difficulties in sleeping that you are experiencing.
• It can also be very helpful to engage in activities that you find meaningful, enjoyable and purposeful, to give your mind and body satisfying tasks to be absorbed in. This can help to reduce the scope for paranoid thoughts to begin or to become troubling and distressing.
• If you think you might be experiencing paranoid thoughts, avoid alcohol and any ‘street’ or recreational drugs. Both alcohol and ‘street’ drugs can make paranoia more intense and may increase the risk of developing more serious mental health problems that can be associated with paranoia.

How we can help with Paranoia

If you feel that suspicious thoughts are happening often or are becoming more frequent; if these thoughts are upsetting you or those around you or are impacting on your ability to go about your day-to-day life, then you may find it helpful to reach out to a professional for support. You should contact your GP in the first instance who can advise you on treatment options, including whether talking therapy is likely to be helpful for you.

Our team of expert therapists can work with you to develop a clear plan to understand and address the symptoms and difficulties you are experiencing, to help you live your life with more happiness and freedom, and without paranoia controlling your life. For new clients who have current or recent experience of paranoia, we will discuss with you additional support options that may be helpful and your GP’s involvement in your care.

To access our service you will need to complete a self referral form by clicking this link. https://theretreatclinics.org.uk/adult-self-referral-form-for-general-therapies-services/