Is It Just a Phase – or Something More? Understanding the Early Signs of Autism

“Maybe they’ll grow out of it. They’re just sensitive. Aren’t we all a bit on the spectrum? Could it be my parenting… but something feels different.”

These are thoughts many parents have when they start wondering if their child might be neurodivergent. It’s natural to question what you’re seeing – and to doubt yourself. Children go through so many stages, and many parents worry about the impact of ‘labelling’ their child.

In this article, we’ll explore some of the early signs that often lead families to seek clarity around autism. We’ll also consider the decision to pursue an assessment, and why early understanding can make a real difference.

Autism Doesn’t Always Look How You Expect

Many people have preconceived ideas about what autism “should” look like, but in reality, it’s far more varied and complex. Some autistic children show clear, outward signs, while others internalise their difficulties or ‘mask’ to blend in. This can make their challenges harder to spot or understand.

An autistic child might manage well one day and really struggle the next, even with the same task. Their ability to cope can depend on the situation and their current emotional capacity.

Autism is often described as a spectrum, not a scale of severity, but a unique profile of strengths, differences, and support needs. No two autistic people are the same.

Early Signs Parents Often Notice

Every child is different, but here are some common behaviours that prompt parents to wonder if their child might be autistic:

• A strong preference for routine and sameness, and distress when things change or when asked to shift between tasks or activities.
• Intense emotional responses to situations others may find minor
• Rigid or “black-and-white” thinking
• Difficulty picking up on social cues or navigating friendships
• Differences between behaviour at home and school (e.g., masking at school)
• Appearing “in their own world” or being very controlling in play
• Sensory sensitivities or preferences (e.g., avoiding noise, picky eating, or seeking certain textures)
• Sleep or toilet training difficulties
• Heightened anxiety or needing things to feel “just right”
• Difficulty calming down or managing big feelings
• Delayed speech or language that sounds formal, like a ‘mini adult’

• Deep, focused interests that dominate play or conversation

You’re Not Imagining It

It’s easy to wonder if you’re overthinking things, especially if no one else has raised concerns. But you know your child, if something feels different, that instinct is worth trusting.

If a child’s behaviour were just personality quirks or a phase, it likely wouldn’t cause the level of difficulty or distress that many parents notice. Also, if a child’s difficulties were truly due to poor parenting, it’s unlikely those parents would be pursuing psychological help. 

Considering an Assessment: What Families Face

Deciding to pursue an autism assessment is a big step. It can come with self-doubt, uncertainty, or fear of judgment. Parents often worry they’ll be dismissed, or that their child will mask during the appointment and not be “seen.”

Others worry about the label, or ask themselves: Will this even change anything?

But a diagnosis doesn’t change who your child is, it simply helps everyone understand them better and gives you the tools to support them more effectively.

Why an Assessment Can Help

• Self-understanding and validation: A diagnosis helps replace labels like “difficult” or “lazy” with insight. It affirms your child’s experience and helps them understand themselves better.
• Better support at school and home: Schools can tailor learning and support more effectively, and you can adapt routines to suit your child’s needs.
• Improved relationships: With greater understanding, families and teachers can communicate more effectively and reduce misunderstandings.
• Support for wellbeing and development: Understanding your child’s needs can reduce stress and anxiety, and help them thrive emotionally and socially.
• Empowerment and advocacy: Knowing how their brain works helps children (and adults) ask for support and feel more confident in who they are.
• Finding community: A diagnosis can help you and your child connect with others who understand your experiences.
• Legal protections: Autism is recognised as a disability under UK law, offering protections and rights that may be important in school or work settings.

If you’re wondering whether your child might be autistic, you don’t need to have all the answers right now. Trust yourself to decide if and when taking the next step feels right for your family.

Seeking Support

Depending on where you live, you can speak to your GP to request a referral through the NHS.

If you’re considering a private assessment and would like to talk through your options, The Retreat Clinics offer gold-standard autism assessments and are happy to discuss what’s right for you and your child.

Availability in our Post Diagnostic Support Service for Autistic Adults

Exam Stress: How to support your child

There is a large focus in schools placed upon SATS, mock exams and actual GCSE’s. This combined with the impact of a series of lockdowns and restrictions has led to an increase in exam stress for many children and young people. Here are some tips for parents and carers to help you think about how you can support your child:

Teachers usually give children and young people the message that working hard for your exams is important. For some children who are already feeling anxious this can lead to them putting too much extra pressure on themselves.

Talk to your child about how they are feeling and let them know that their feelings are okay and common for many children. Let your child know that their exam results are not the be all and end all, and you love them regardless of their results. Some young children may want to draw a picture or write a story about a character who has exams.

2. Help your child create a sense of balance

In order to achieve the best results, it is important to have a balance of relaxation time, exercise, socialising and healthy eating. An Olympic trainer would advise an athlete to have rest days, and to have a combination or shorter and longer training days, as they know that this is the best way for the athlete to achieve their full potential.

A child or athlete who works too hard without proper balance and rest breaks will potentially wear themselves out.
Try help your child draw up a timetable that includes some revision time, relaxation time, physical activity time, and social time.

3. Do some sport or get some physical exercise

The research is clear, short bouts of moderate, physical activity are great at improving concentration immediately following exercise.

There are two aspects to concentration. The first is sustained attention, in which we’re able to focus on certain pieces of information for prolonged periods of time. The second is executive function, which is our ability to think and make decisions at a complex level. Try this for yourself and I think you will experience the results!

4. Creative approaches to learning and revision

Children have different learning styles. Just sitting down and trying to remember information becomes boring for many people.

You can liven this up in different ways. You could so this by using different coloured pens and stickers, you could interview each other, or pretend to be presenting a TV programme, try drawing pictures or creating visual representations such as doing a Mindmap or poster.

Have a go at involving the senses – walk around the room, sit in different positions, and even sing!

5. Each child is a unique individual

Help your child realise their own individual strengths and encourage them not to compare themselves to others. Who knows if an apple is better than a banana? They are just different, and we need all kinds of people and fruit in this world!

Some children are good at making things or fixing things, some are good at sport, dancing or singing, some people are academic, some people learn when they are relating to people – others learn best on their own. Let’s value difference and diversity.

Quote for the day!
‘Don’t be pushed around by the fears in your mind. Be led by the dreams in your heart’

Help your child be led by their dreams and where they want to be in the future. Ask them to visualise what they would like to be doing in the future and ask them to describe this to you. So often we do things to try and avoid our fears.

If you have tried these tips but would like to find out more about how we could help your child deal with stress, please get in touch by using the form below, or emailing hello@theretreatclinics.org.uk

Press Release 06 August 2024

The Retreat Clinics commit to ongoing Autism, ADHD and mental health support following August Council planning meeting

The Retreat Clinics are pleased to announce continuing support for people seeking counselling, psychotherapy and autism & ADHD assessments, following approval for the proposed development of the Retreat Hospital site by specialist property developer and restorer P J Livesey at the York Council planning committee meeting on August 1st.

The Retreat Clinics has worked closely with P J Livesey and the development will see the original Retreat buildings back in use, with the beautiful grounds accessible to enjoy by the whole community.

Ruth Dixon, the Retreat Clinics Chief Executive, said: “We are delighted to know that the building and grounds will be cared for and maintained.  As a charity founded in York in 1792, we will continue to work with Autism, ADHD and mental health; we’d like to be in York for another 228 years!”

The Retreat Clinics continues to offer mental health support and autism and ADHD assessments for children, young people and adults from the Tuke Centre on the same site as the original hospital, as well as online and from Hampden House in Manchester.  After stopping inpatient services in 2018, the larger Grade 2* listed site was no longer needed, and The Retreat was keen that the history of the original building should be honoured.

The Retreat was the first organisation in the world to offer moral treatment for people with mental health issues, treating its patients with respect and dignity.  It’s world history for York to feel proud of.

Express yourself with art therapy

Do you sometimes feel its difficult to really explain how you are feeling in words? There are other ways you can express how you feel…

Sometimes it’s a sound, like a sigh or a scream. Or an action that helps people understand how you are feeling, like when you cry or tense up.

Being able to express yourself using art materials can be another way to help you and others understand your feelings.

Like splashing some paint around to show you are confused or excited.

Or stamping your hands into some clay to vent your anger.

Or making marks with pens or pencils to express your frustration with something.

Or making a drawing to help you work something through which is making you anxious or sad.

Art can be a great way to express yourself; it can be a mindful experience to calm your anxiety, it can be an expressive activity to work through your problems and share with people you feel safe with.

You could see an art therapist and use art materials and making as part of the therapeutic process. Art therapy can redirect attention away from worrying thoughts which in turn can help regulate the nervous system. If this is something you are interested in for either your self or your child, please contact the Retreat Clinics.

Limited Funding Available for Free Therapy for Children and Young People

Our Quaker led charity has provided mental health services for over 200 years. Our services are firmly based in our values of compassion, collaboration, and community building. We are passionate about helping people, giving hope, and building resilience. We’re aware that for many people it’s difficult to find the resources to fund therapy, especially now, and so we have dedicated a small fund to provide free therapy for children and young people whose family is in receipt of means tested welfare benefits. Our therapy services are now available in Manchester, York and online (depending on the clinical safety of online work).

 What are we offering?

We are offering a limited number of places for up to 10 free therapy sessions, to children and young people whose family is in receipt of means tested welfare benefits.

How do I know if my child needs this?

Your child may be struggling with difficulties around anxiety or low mood or patterns of behaviour. As this is only time limited therapy, we suggest that this therapy is most suitable for young people who have mild-moderate difficulties. Please note, therapy generally isn’t suitable for people who feel in crisis or who need urgent mental health support.

How will it work?

We will ask you to complete a brief form and provide some information about the welfare benefits you are receiving. We can go through this process on the phone with you or send you the form to complete if you prefer. One of our clinical team will then triage your referral and, if eligible, you will be offered an initial 50 minute appointment with a therapist. Following this session you may be offered up to 9 additional sessions, most likely with the therapist you have already met.

How can I find out more?

We would be happy to talk to you on the phone about the service and whether you might be eligible. Please call us on 0161 445 2099 (Manchester), 01904 412551 (York)  or email us on info@theretreatclinics.org.uk

How to care for someone following the loss of a child.

This blog contains emotionally sensitive information, please take care. If you feel that you need to talk to someone more urgently than therapy, please find a list of useful organisations who offer support below. If you feel that you need immediate support, please contact The Samaritans or your GP or other forms of crisis support.

The loss of a child profoundly impacts the lives of parents and their loved ones.  When someone you care about has lost a child, it can be hard to know how best to support them. Each person’s grief experience is unique, and finding the right words can be hard.  Often, we worry about saying the wrong thing or upsetting the person which can lead to us not saying anything at all or becoming distant from them.

Below are some ideas on how best to support someone who has been through the devastating loss of a child.

• Ask the person if they’d like to talk and let them lead the conversation. They will know whether they want to continue, or whether they need time away from the conversation.
• Use the child’s name and when they are ready, share your memories – keeping their memory alive and respecting their existence is important for many parents in this situation.
• Be accepting of all their feelings – it is quite normal for the parent to feel angry- at the situation, at the child for dying, at the system around them. In an attempt to provide comfort, people sometimes sharing well-meaning phrases like ‘everything happens for a reason’ or ‘time will heal’ etc. Instead of sharing your beliefs around death, focus on compassionate listening, and let them know its ok to experience a range of emotions, and there is no timeline for grief. Through acknowledging all their emotions, you can normalise these and make it a safe place for them to talk.
• Understand that something this traumatic will have a significant effect on them. They may act differently – such as seeming distant or detached. This can be common when the pain we feel is overwhelming as the mind protects itself by taking a step away.
• Consider inviting them to coffee or to meet with friends – sometimes we worry that we shouldn’t invite a bereaved parent to socialise, however this can sometimes be a welcome distraction depending on how they feel that day. Don’t be disheartened if they do not accept the offer, they might feel differently next time, or may still appreciate the invitation.
• Remember that grieving can take different lengths of time for different people, and don’t give up after a few weeks. After the funeral, support and offers of help often drop away, keeping contacting and offering help and support where you can is often well received.
• During this challenging time, it can become hard to perform everyday tasks, this can be particularly challenging if the parent has other children to care for. Offering practical assistance such as dropping off a meal, offering to run errands, offering to pick up their other children from clubs etc. can be a way to show your support.
• Hold the space and the silence – sometimes people just want to be around other people for comfort, but do not want to talk or don’t know the right words. Don’t feel the need to fill the silence or “make them feel happy”, instead, be there for whatever it is they need in that moment. That may be that they want to cry, shout or simply just ‘be’.
• When the person is ready, they might want to reach out to specialist organisations for support. We have listed a range of links for various support organisations below; nobody is ever alone in their grief.

Here at The Retreat Clinics, we offer specialist support for bereavement, and for those who are supporting someone who is bereaved and want a space to talk and process their emotions. We offer open-ended, non-judgemental support at our clinics in Manchester, York and Online.

For more information on how we could help, please visit www.theretreatclinics.org.uk or email info@theretreatclinics.org.uk

 

Useful links:

Coping with losing a child – The Good Grief Trust

Child Bereavement UK

Sands    Stillbirth and neonatal support for families

SUDC UK             Support and information following Sudden Unexplained Death in Childhood

Citizens Advice Bureau   What to do after a death

The Miscarriage Association        Support following miscarriage, molar or ectopic pregnancy

Important changes to how we receive Autism and ADHD referrals

What are we commissioned to provide?

The Autism and ADHD services at the Retreat clinics are currently resourced and commissioned to receive an estimated 720 referrals per year (60 per month) however due to an unprecedented increase in demand throughout 2022 and 2023 our referral rate increased considerably and on average we received 1840 referrals per year (153 per month) which unfortunately has impacted on our ability to respond as quickly as we would like to, if you have not heard from us regarding your referral and whether you have been accepted onto our waiting list this will be because you are still in triage – at present we estimate that this delay will be around 12-15 months.

We are commissioned to provide the below assessments per year –  

• 214 Autism diagnostic assessments per year
• up to 242 ADHD diagnostic assessments per year – we are also commissioned to provide medication reviews and support, dependant on demand there may be priority given to medication clients within the ADHD pathway due to urgent need, this may impact on the number of ADHD assessments we are able to provide. 

Due to the increased demand on our services, we are continually exploring ways to make changes to our assessment pathways so that our clients receive efficient and robust assessments whilst ensuring that we see as many people as we can, however, please be aware that we are unable to beyond our commissioning capacity due to limitations within our current NHS contract.

 

Update

This is an update regarding changes in the referral pathway for Adult Autism and Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) assessment Service at The Retreat Clinics in North Yorkshire and York. This is a commissioner led change, resulting from actions from the local NHS Integrated Care Board (formally known as the NHS Clinical Commissioning Groups), to pilot the introduction of the criteria for referral to assessment and a new approach to screening for neurodiversity. This applies to new referrals. The changes come into effect from Monday 27 March 2023.

Why have these changes been made?

Autism and ADHD services across the nation have seen a steady increase in demand over recent decades. At The Retreat Clinics, this demand now far exceeds our capacity as a service with an increase of 400% in referral rates. This issue is something that is currently receiving significant focus from both our local Trust and regional commissioners. The changes have been made to pilot a new pathway and way of working.

What do the changes mean?

Please meet with your General Practitioner (GP) if you are seeking a diagnostic assessment for Autism/ADHD and you live within North Yorkshire and York. Your GP will be able to guide you through and explain the new pathway. Referrals will be directly through a web-based screening and assessment system called Do-it Profiler.

What is Do-it Profiler?

Please watch the video in the following link which explains it all: https://doitprofiler.com/

Whilst the Do-it Profiler does not give a diagnosis, the Neurodiversity Screener will identify characteristics and provide a unique profile describing strengths, challenges, and the skills to develop at home, socially and in the workplace. The profile will also identify where reasonable adjustments should be made which should start as a basis for discussion with occupational health, employers, and educational environments. All clients who complete the profile will receive immediate functional guidance and signposting to support networks.

Once logged in, the profiler will ask you an initial set of questions to determine whether you will be referred on to The Retreat for an assessment for diagnosis or be directed through the profiler for access to support and useful resources. Everyone who completes the profiler will receive immediate functional guidance and signposting to support networks. These changes are part of a pilot, and the commissioners welcome your input. There will be an opportunity to provide feedback within the profiler tool which we would encourage you to do. This will help the commissioners to collate information as part of our evaluation and inform future commissioning decisions.

For some people, a referral is still appropriate and will be made to us through the profiler. Please allow time for our clinical team to consider your referral (called ‘clinical triage’ please note there is a delay in receiving your referral and accepting/rejecting your referral this wait is estimated between 12-15 months). Once we have considered your referral, we will be in touch with you directly to let you know if a diagnostic assessment will be offered – we will backdate any referral accepted onto our waiting list to the date the referral was made.

Please note that due to limitations on information provided to our clinical team resulting from the use of the profiler we may request further information from you and your GP to support your referral prior to triage.

For further information on the Do-It Profiler, including technical support, any questions on how friendly it is for Autism, ADHD and learning difficulties, or what to do if you don’t have access to a device or technology, please contact:

If you are within York & North Yorkshire: hnyicb.experience@nhs.net

The Retreat Clinics are not providing the Do It Profiler, as this is a commissioner change to the pathway. Therefore, please do not contact us to seek guidance or advice on the Do It Profiler, as we will only be able to provide you with the same information as explained here.

Can I access assessment and treatment from an alternative provider?

This is a piloted change to the commissioned pathway and the eligibility criteria will therefore also apply to other providers, including online private providers. Referrals which fall outside of the eligibility criteria will not be reimbursed by the NHS.

If you are eligible for assessment, you have a legal right to choose your specialist provider. We suggest you discuss this option with your General Practitioner. You may also prefer to obtain private care, but please ensure you clarify the details with your General Practitioner, as for ADHD services, there are no shared care arrangements in place between primary care and private providers and you will be expected to continue to pay for your medication rather than this being prescribed by your local practice. Using an alternative provider may offer you more timely access to assessment and treatment. That said, it is worth clarifying with the provider what they provide before getting a referral to avoid disappointment. Eligibility criteria applies to all providers and general practice will be encouraged to direct patients to the Profiler and not make NHS referrals to other providers. Referrals which fall outside of the eligibility criteria will not be reimbursed by the NHS.

What if I disagree with this change of pathway for the diagnostic assessment? Where do I go to for any complaints or queries? 

Please contact:

If you are in York & North Yorkshire: hnyicb.experience@nhs.net

Please do not call The Retreat Clinic’s administration team to enquire about the change to the pathway and process: our team will not be able to advise or comment on the Do It Profiler, or the commissioner led changes. They will only be able to advise you with the same information provided here: you need to make contact using the details above.

I am not a ‘new’ referral, what does this mean for me?

The commissioner-led change is for referrals received from 27 March 2023.

If you or your referrer have received notification you are on our ‘awaiting triage’ list, we will be honouring this and triaging your referral. Please do not contact us to enquire about waiting times, as we cannot comment specifically or individually on how long it will take us to triage your referral.  For current waiting times (CLICK HERE)

If you or your referrer have received notification that your referral has been accepted, then you will remain on our waiting list and we will be in touch when it is time for your assessment.

What are your current waiting times?

Waiting times for assessment:

We recognise and appreciate that people requiring our Autism & ADHD services have lengthy waiting times. This is something we are trying to address. Whilst we acknowledge how difficult it is to wait, we ask people to please not contact the service regarding their wait time as this is often changeable but unfortunately lengthy.  For current waiting times (CLICK HERE)

Virtual reality mindfulness based cognitive therapy (MBCT) programme

University College London, The Retreat Clinics and Tend VR are conducting a study exploring mindfulness-based cognitive therapy (MBCT) delivered through virtual reality (VR). We are recruiting adults who have experienced recent anxiety or depressive symptoms to test this innovative approach over a 10-12-week period.

If you would like to take part, we will be asking you to complete interviews, surveys, and journal entries to provide feedback on your experience receiving the VR MBCT programme at home. The programme and the VR equipment will be provided, at a reduced cost.

If you are interested in participating in this mental health study and advancing the progress of VR to improve mental health, please complete the Expression of Interest Form (EOI) here (https://form.jotform.com/232274250844353).

If you have any questions after you have looked at the EOI then please email research@tend-vr.com. You can find a taster video of the immersive VR programme here https://youtu.be/sUFrwHGqBXg

Full details of involvement will be available in the participant information pack which will be sent to you once you have been enrolled on to the study. Contributing your experiences could support the development of new technologies for mental healthcare.

 

This project is in review, further updates will be available in 2026!  Follow us on our social media channels for the latest updates!

Children’s Cancer Charity Collaboration

September is childhood cancer awareness month and we are delighted to formally announce our collaboration with ‘The Joshua Tree’.

The Joshua Tree (based in Cheshire) is a children’s cancer charity that is dedicated to working closely with families affected by childhood cancers.

As a registered charity ourselves, The Retreat Clinics are pleased to be offering shared funding with The Joshua Tree to allow more families who are in need of therapy or mental health support to access it.

The Retreat Clinics in Manchester has a team of dedicated clinicians including counsellors, EMDR practitioners, CBT therapists, Family therapists and play therapists to name a few. This project will offer short term therapy to young people and/or their families either in our welcoming clinic in Withington or online where appropriate.

We look forward to working alongside The Joshua tree.