Starting high school worries and anxiety

Starting high school can be very daunting for many children; they are entering their teenage years, which is quite a significant change. Their friends may be enrolling in a different high school, so they lose part of their social support for this big transition.

For most, the new school year anxiety will fade, but there are a few things to remember as a parent to be mindful and supportive of your child as they make this shift.

1) Try to plan ahead.

You will probably start to feel the pressure of having to re-introduce the school routine after the summer break. The best way to avoid this is to prepare and communicate with your child about your expectations and listen to them.

2) Listen seriously if your child expresses any worries.

Try not to dismiss your child’s fear of starting or going back to school. By listening and acknowledging your child’s anxieties for the new school year, you are helping them feel more secure. You can also help your child manage these worries, which will help nurture the confidence to face them.

3) Avoid putting pressure on your child to talk about the new school year.

Most children will be more vocal in a casual conversation, for example, in the car. It may take time for your child to process the changes before they speak to you about them. Sometimes, curiously wondering with them about how things are can be helpful, rather than asking direct questions – for example, “I’m interested how your day went?” or “I wonder what your favourite part of today was?”.

4) Monitor your child’s stress.

High volumes of stress over a long period can lead to mental health difficulties such as anxiety and depression. If your child isn’t showing a reduction in their worries and stress levels, this may be a sign they need some further help.

Here at The Retreat Clinics, we can offer a flexible approach to support children and young people starting high school who may be experiencing worry, stress, anxiety, or low mood.

We understand it can be scary, and can provide bespoke support for children and young people who may have experienced a range of difficulties, including:

Anxiety
Depression or low mood
Traumatic experiences
Relationship difficulties
Bereavement
Issues with confidence and self-esteem
Stress
Panic attacks
Sleeping difficulties

We also offer parent consultations, where you can talk to a trained professional about your child or your experiences of parenting your child.

All of our therapies are available at our clinics in York, Manchester and online.

If you would like to find out more please get in touch by using the form below, or emailing york@theretreatclinics.org.uk or manchester@theretreatclinics.org.uk.

What is stress and how can you reduce it?

We all have to deal with stress within our lives, whether this be daily issues or a significant event that causes undue pressure. When consistently dealing with stress on a daily basis in high volumes and failing to deal with this, we are at risk of ‘burnout‘. A new study commissioned by Asana, revealed that three-quarters of UK workers (75 per cent) were reported to have suffered with burnout in 2020.

What is stress and what causes it?

Stress is the body’s reaction to mental or emotional pressure. Hans Selye defined stress as “a response of the body to any, whether it is caused by, or results in, pleasant or unpleasant conditions”.

Symptoms of stress are considered as the physical changes our body makes as it goes into fight or flight mode. These include fatigue, muscle pains, chest pains and high blood pressure, sweating and many more. When we face a particularly stressful event and our body reacts accordingly, it is considered to be acute stress. When we face this over a long period of time through stressful and traumatic events, or daily life pressures that become overwhelming, we then consider this as chronic stress.

What things can you do to help reduce stress?

1. Consider what demands you can reduce, or what you can ask others to help with.

2. Make time for yourself each day.

3. Journaling.

4. Take everything one step at a time.

5. Learn and practice positive self-talk.

6. Use relaxation techniques.

7. Stay connected with others.

8. Exercise and eat a balanced diet.

9. Be kind to yourself.

10. Talk to someone.

How we can help

If you would prefer to speak to someone with professional experience, we have qualified therapists who can help you to understand and manage symptoms of stress.

All of our therapies are available at our clinics in York, Manchester and online.

If you would like to find out more please get in touch by using the form below, or emailing york@theretreatclinics.org.uk or manchester@theretreatclinics.org.uk.

What is burnout and how can you deal with it?

The World Health Organization (WHO) describes burnout as an occupational phenomenon, meaning a situation that exists and is related to a job or profession, and emerges as a response to workplace stress over a long period of time.

Symptoms for burnout are characterised by the WHO by three factors; feelings of energy depletion or exhaustion, increased mental distance from your job/ feeling negative and cynical towards your job and a reduction in your efficacy in work.

The difference between stress and burnout is that when we are feeling stressed, we feel like we have too much of a demand on our body and mental wellbeing. When we are burnt-out, we are feeling mentally and physically exhausted and simply do not care or have any motivation. Stress can feel like ‘drowning’ whereas burnout can feel like we are all dried up.

How can you deal with burnout?

To deal with burnout we must consider the three R approach:

Recognise: Being able to see the warning signs of burnout

Reverse-: We need to reverse the damage by seeking support and managing our stress

Resilience: By taking care of our physical and emotional health we are able to build up a resilience to burnout.

It is important to reframe your approach to work and your priorities, as well as increasing the communication you have with other people and managing who you communicate with. For example turning to co-workers, friends or family members. It may also be beneficial to limit contact with stressors.

If you would prefer to speak to someone with professional experience, we have a team of highly-qualified therapists who can help you to understand and manage symptoms of stress and burnout.

All of our therapies are available at our clinics in York, Manchester and online.

If you would like to find out more please get in touch by using the form below, or emailing york@theretreatclinics.org.uk or manchester@theretreatclinics.org.uk.

Men’s Mental Health Week

Have you ever heard the expression of ‘man up’? A YouGov (2018) report found 61% of British men aged 18-24 have felt the pressure of having to “man up” due to gender stereotypes. In recent times there has been an increasing growth in the decline of men’s mental health. For many men there is a large stigma around mental health and some can find it hard to talk about their mental health struggles due to this stereotype.

Men’s health week falls between 14th– 20th June 2022, whilst many physical health conditions are highlighted, one of the main topics of discussion for Men’s health week is mental health. The biggest question is, why are men more likely to reach crisis point before they are able to access help?

It is thought that this could be due to the stereotypes mentioned above, as well as many other factors. Men who are unable to speak about their emotions may be less likely to recognise mental health symptoms and therefore could be less likely to reach out for support.

So, what can you do if you are a man or know someone experiencing mental health problems? You have taken the first step by looking for information as you are reading this blog. The next step would be to reach out for help, sometimes this can be to friends or family, people you are able to have an open conversation with about the things that are bothering you. You can try other things to help improve your mental health such as exercise, being outside or taking part in activities that you enjoy. There may be times where you need a little bit more support or are unable to talk to the people you know and would like to speak with an impartial professional.

Here at The Retreat Clinics, we have a team of qualified therapists at our clinics in York, Manchester and online, who can help you to understand and manage your mental health. We will always aim to have you in the driving seat throughout your therapeutic journey. If you would like to find out more, please get in touch by using the form below, or emailing york@theretreatclinics.org.uk or manchester@theretreatclinics.org.uk.

Mental Health and being LGBTQIA+

This month marks Pride month, where people from around the world come together to celebrate LGBTQIA+ people. Pride is also a way of raising awareness of inequalities around gender identity and sexuality. Every person’s experience of being LGBTQIA+ is unique to them. However, the experience of discrimination, homophobia, transphobia, and difficulties around coming out are very common amongst the LGBTQIA+ community. For this reason and others, more people amongst the LGBTQIA+ community experience mental health difficulties. Common among those are anxiety and depression.

The topic of LBTQIA+ and mental health is one that’s very personal to me. I was diagnosed with Anorexia Nervosa at the age of 17. Anorexia was, for me, a way to numb the strong emotions of sadness and anxiety that I otherwise hadn’t been able to control or manage. But years of battling an eating disorder meant that I didn’t get to experience the things that my peers did. Anorexia also stopped me from exploring my sexuality and gender identity, because for many years, I was simply trying to survive. There wasn’t really much space for really living.

As I did begin to recover and was able to feel and experience emotions again, I found myself battling feelings and emotions around my sexuality. I felt quite panicked and uncertain, and I didn’t know who or where to turn to. When I did realise that I was part of the LGBTQIA+ community, I started to feel that I was somehow less worthy of love than others. I often though that if people knew the real me, the queer me, they would no longer love me. This led to a deep-rooted feeling of unworthiness and low self-esteem.

But slowly, after confiding in some people who I trusted and who treated me with respect and dignity, I began to start accepting who and how I was. I no longer tried to fight away my feelings, but accepted them. And this has led to a much more permanent feeling of peace and contentment. Not everyone agrees with the way I am, but hiding who I am to please others just didn’t work. I have found that for me, labels aren’t particularly helpful, and I’d rather use a more generic term such as ‘queer’ to describe my sexuality and gender identity. This is a word that has been reclaimed by the LGBTQIA+ community, as it was previously used as a slur.

It has now been three years since I realised I was part of the LGBTQIA+ community, and I feel I am now able to celebrate all of me, inclusive of my sexuality and gender identity, and have become much more comfortable in my own skin. Sometimes, celebrations around pride can, for me, be interwoven with feelings of sadness and grief thinking about the years of being closeted and the years of self-hatred. I personally believe it is important to allow ourselves to feel the sadness and grief that can come with being part of the LGBTQIA+ community, because that then allows us to move forward to a place of celebration and acceptance. As well as this, loved ones around me have helped me to know that I am unconditionally loved, and that has allowed me to be a bit kinder and more compassionate towards myself.

For anyone who is currently exploring their sexuality or gender identity, my advice would be to allow yourself to explore the questions that you have and to ride with the feelings and emotions that pop up, rather than trying to supress them. I’ve found that it helps not to have to go on this journey alone, and seeking support from others can be really helpful. If you do find that, for whatever reason, your mental health isn’t where you would like it to be, I also recommend speaking to your GP or someone you trust. Asking for help is daunting, but please know that you don’t have to do it alone.

For anyone who is supporting someone in the LGBTQIA+, the first thing to say is thank you. Thank you for being willing to learn and for being supportive. My advice here would be that it’s really important, in both actions and in words, that your loved one knows they are loved unconditionally, inclusive of their sexuality and gender identity. The best way to support your loved one is by asking them how you can be an ally. Everyone’s experience and needs are different.

Though being LGBTQIA+ and experiencing mental health problems is at times challenging and frustrating, it is possible to lead a life where your mental health struggles no longer dictate or manage your life. It is also possible to come to a place of celebration and acceptance of being LGBTQIA+, and flourishing as the person you truly are.

If you would like to more information please get in touch by using the form below, or emailing york@theretreatclinics.org.uk or manchester@theretreatclinics.org.uk.

What to do when your child won’t access therapy

“I am really worried about my child’s mental health, but I don’t think they will agree to accessing therapy at this point, what can I do?”

This is a dilemma we hear from parents and carers quite often, and it’s a really difficult situation to be in. If a child or young person is clearly struggling with something but doesn’t want to access support, parents and carers can end up feeling very stuck.

However, there are ways you can help, both yourself and your child, to support and encourage them to reframe their thinking and consider accessing therapy.

1) Seek a session for yourself with a therapist

Parents/carers are usually the experts about their children, and sometimes just need a little help to work out the best way forward. Having a session with a therapist yourself can provide an opportunity to think collaboratively with a qualified therapist around how best to support your child’s mental health. It provides the extra thinking space for you and may even be enough to shift things to a place which seems much more manageable.

It can also help to remove the stigma around accessing therapy as your child is able to hear first-hand how therapy works and the positive, helpful nature of sessions which can help to de-mystify therapy, make it feel more accessible and in turn encourage your child to access mental health support themselves.

2) Talk your child about how they are feeling.

Helping your child to understand their feelings in a positive way can help them to open up and be better able to cope with difficult emotions.

Starting conversations about how they are feeling can be difficult, but it is important to let them know you’re there for them and are on their side, recognising that their feelings are valid. You might want to read NSPPC’s guide to helping children with anxiety or depression to learn more about how to approach this topic here.

3) Remove the stigma around therapy

Many children and young people may have a negative association with therapy, so the best way to approach this is by normalising therapy by letting them know that it is nothing to be ashamed of.

It can also help to tell and show them what they can expect of the therapy sessions in detail, whether this involves showing them images of the therapy rooms or who their therapist is, so it removes the idea that therapy is ‘scary’.

How we can help

At the Retreat Clinics, it’s possible to arrange appointments with one of our therapists to talk about your child, without them needing to attend themselves.

These sessions are an opportunity for you and a qualified therapist to think together, explore options and work out ways to support your child.

If you would like to find more about how therapy could help you and your child, or if you’d like further information about the types of therapy that are available at our clinics in York, Manchester or online then please get in touch by using the form below, or emailing york@theretreatclinics.org.uk or manchester@theretreatclinics.org.uk.

Exam Stress: A Guide for Parents and Carers

There is a large focus in schools placed upon SATS, mock exams and actual GCSE’s. This combined with the impact of a series of lockdowns and restrictions has led to an increase in exam stress for many children and young people. Here are some tips for parents and carers to help you think about how you can support your child:

Teachers usually give children and young people the message that working hard for your exams is important. For some children who are already feeling anxious this can lead to them putting too much extra pressure on themselves.

Talk to your child about how they are feeling and let them know that their feelings are okay and common for many children. Let your child know that their exam results are not the be all and end all, and you love them regardless of their results. Some young children may want to draw a picture or write a story about a character who has exams.

2. Help your child create a sense of balance

In order to achieve the best results, it is important to have a balance of relaxation time, exercise, socialising and healthy eating. An Olympic trainer would advise an athlete to have rest days, and to have a combination or shorter and longer training days, as they know that this is the best way for the athlete to achieve their full potential.

A child or athlete who works too hard without proper balance and rest breaks will potentially wear themselves out.
Try help your child draw up a timetable that includes some revision time, relaxation time, physical activity time, and social time.

3. Do some sport or get some physical exercise

The research is clear, short bouts of moderate, physical activity are great at improving concentration immediately following exercise.

There are two aspects to concentration. The first is sustained attention, in which we’re able to focus on certain pieces of information for prolonged periods of time. The second is executive function, which is our ability to think and make decisions at a complex level. Try this for yourself and I think you will experience the results!

4. Creative approaches to learning and revision

Children have different learning styles. Just sitting down and trying to remember information becomes boring for many people.

You can liven this up in different ways. You could so this by using different coloured pens and stickers, you could interview each other, or pretend to be presenting a TV programme, try drawing pictures or creating visual representations such as doing a Mindmap or poster.

Have a go at involving the senses – walk around the room, sit in different positions, and even sing!

5. Each child is a unique individual

Help your child realise their own individual strengths and encourage them not to compare themselves to others. Who knows if an apple is better than a banana? They are just different, and we need all kinds of people and fruit in this world!

Some children are good at making things or fixing things, some are good at sport, dancing or singing, some people are academic, some people learn when they are relating to people – others learn best on their own. Let’s value difference and diversity.

Quote for the day!
‘Don’t be pushed around by the fears in your mind. Be led by the dreams in your heart’

Help your child be led by their dreams and where they want to be in the future. Ask them to visualise what they would like to be doing in the future and ask them to describe this to you. So often we do things to try and avoid our fears.

If you have tried these tips but would like to find out more about how we could help your child deal with stress, please get in touch by using the form below, or emailing york@theretreatclinics.org.uk or manchester@theretreatclinics.org.uk.

How SATs make me feel: A blog by Molly-Rose

The current UK education system has several levels of testing depending on key stage or educational year, with SATs beginning in Year 2. There can be a lot of focus placed upon the importance of these exam results in schools, which can lead to children and young people at any age feeling an overwhelming pressure to do well and achieve top marks.

Whilst exams can help your child to take a step up to the next academic level, it is important to remember that results are not the only measure of success. Exams are not the be all end all and they can always be retaken, remind your child of what they have achieved already and that there is more to life than exam grades.

Molly-Rose, age 11, shared with us her thoughts on the pressure of SATs and how it makes her feel…

“Sats make me feel worried and nervous because they are quite a big test at my age (11). I get a bit sad and annoyed with myself when I don’t do very in tests well, because I really care about my results, and I want to do well. I work really hard at school but sometimes when it comes to tests it is like my brain drains of everything I have learnt.

When I think of SATS, I get a worrying feeling in my tummy because I think they define what ability group I will be put in when I go to secondary school in September. (Mummy and Daddy try to reassure and tell me just to do my best, try my hardest and they are always proud of me)

Despite doing lots of practice with my Daddy (Mummy isn’t very good at Maths) I still get very nervous. I mainly worry about the Maths papers; however, I am extremely grateful to my Daddy because he believes in me and helps me no matter. In the first lockdown, I really struggled with Maths but my Dad supported me so much, even when I got a bit fed up and really grumpy with him. Thanks to his encouragement and support I feel a little more confident about them now.

However, I wish we didn’t have to do them and the pressure for an 11 year is unnecessary. These tests are measurements for the school and the government and not my ability.”

If you are worried about how your child coping with exam stress and pressure, one of our children’s psychotherapists has shared her top tips on helping your child cope with exam-related stress here:

Our team of experienced therapists can help young adults, children and families to guide them through these kind of worries by providing bespoke therapeutic support.

All of our therapies are available at our clinics in York, Manchester and online. If you would like to find out more about the services we offer, please get in touch by using the form below, or emailing york@theretreatclinics.org.uk or manchester@theretreatclinics.org.uk.

The Impact of Breast Cancer – How Psychosexual Therapy Can Help

Here at The Retreat, we understand how the diagnosis of breast cancer can be a traumatic, life changing event and has a considerable psychological impact.

Often the only focus initially is to survive. After successful treatment however, other areas of life begin to hold significance again and sex can be part of this. Breast Cancer (and other Cancers) change the way we view our body, how our body feels and how we see our attractiveness. Sex can then become something to be avoided rather than an enjoyable, intimate experience. This then may have consequences for your sexual relationship, and you might feel more isolated and alone.

Psychosexual therapy can help you explore these issues and more. Exploring how you see yourself sexually can help you address the psychological blocks to sexual recovery. Likewise, your sexual partner might also have been affected and they might not know how to talk about what they feel or how to help you. Psychosexual therapy can be conducted with both you and your partner to resolve these problems.

Psychosexual therapy offers individual clients, or couples, the opportunity to discuss their sex life and any problems that they are experiencing. Common sexual problems that psychosexual therapy can help resolve are low libido, sexual pain, lack of orgasm, body image concerns, sexual impact of the menopause and erectile or ejaculation difficulties. Sometimes these problems are caused by psychological or relational factors, but they might also be related to medical intervention.

We have an experienced team of therapists at The Retreat who have worked in both a therapeutic and medical (hospital) setting, allowing them to provide support and a tailored programme that can be effective, regardless of the cause of psychosexual problems.

This is a confidential service, delivered with sensitivity and understanding.

All of our therapies are available at our clinics in York, Manchester and online. If you would like to find out more please get in touch by using the form below, or emailing york@theretreatclinics.org.uk or manchester@theretreatclinics.org.uk.

What is Mindfulness?

One of the most effective ways to build mental strength is through mindfulness – being attentive and aware in the present, without distractions such as past thoughts or future worries.

Many athletes use mindfulness techniques as part of their training, with Michael Jordan (arguably one of the greatest basketball players of all time) commenting that mindfulness meditation enabled him to ‘prepare to face whatever comes next’. There’s also good evidence to suggest that mindfulness based cognitive therapy (MBCT), is effective at reducing symptoms of anxiety, depression and stress, and this treatment is even NICE approved.

Mindfulness can come in many forms; this festive period why not incorporate a mindful activity? If you are able, perhaps a mindful walk- paying attention to what you can see, hear and smell. Or perhaps choosing an element of your usual everyday routine as an opportunity to practice mindfulness, such as brushing your teeth, or making your favourite warm drink, and doing so completely in the moment. If your mind wanders to thinking about something else (as it often does!) just gently bring it back to what you are mindfully focusing on. There- you have been mindful!

At The Retreat Clinics, we are dedicated to helping people improve their mental health and wellbeing. Our experienced counsellors, psychotherapists and psychologists can help find the right therapy for you.