World Values Day 2021

World Values Day is on 21st October this year. Its aim is to increase the awareness and practice of values around the world.

You might be wondering what this means – what do we understand by the word ‘values’? If I asked you what your value base was, what would you say? I’d say that it’s the things that matter most in my life, the things upon which my behaviour, opinions, decisions, feelings and communications are based. I know that my key values are fairness, equality, compassion, integrity and making a contribution.

These values, from a career point of view, have led me to work exclusively for statutory or voluntary sector organisations, to seek work that I feel has the chance to make a difference to people’s lives and always to try to build teams that I feel are congruent with my values base. I can’t say that I have always achieved this but I have always tried.

My values led me to work for The Retreat. It was founded by a Quaker tea merchant, William Tuke, in 1792 on the basis of the things that matter most to Quakers: equality and justice, truth and integrity, simplicity and sustainability, the importance of the environment and peace. These are the values upon which The Retreat was founded, influencing a revolution in care for people with mental health difficulties and they remain important to us today. In our interactions with staff, patients and our local community we strive to live our values. This means that:-

• Although we have a necessary administrative hierarchy in the organisation, our structure is flat and we endeavour to treat everyone as equals, regardless of their job role.
• We value our environment and understand the importance of green spaces and the chance to work with people in our grounds.
• We collaborate together on the important decisions for the organisation, including our strategy and our plans for the future.
• Although our staff are often under pressure and have demanding jobs, we try to look after their wellbeing and offer support whenever it is needed, including flexible and home working and family friendly approaches to their work life.
• We try to ensure our decision making is transparent, has integrity and is driven by compassion rather than finances or expediency
• We tailor our care for our patients based on their needs, their views and their life rather than trying to fit them into a ready-made framework or approach
• We work with the people who use our services, who are the experts on what works for them, employing them and contracting them to deliver services, give their opinions and act as ambassadors for The Retreat.

These are the things that are important to us. These are our values.

This year the theme for World Values Day is Reconnecting. This means that in these turbulent, uncertain times we take the opportunity to connect with our sense of self, with the people around us and with what is happening in the wider world – using our values to change things for the better.

For The Retreat, this means challenging ourselves to ensure we are not neglecting our stakeholders and that we communicate our values in a positive way that will help us to stay connected or reconnect where those connections have been lost or neglected through the pandemic. Join us, connect with us, reconnect with us and we can work together to change the world of mental health for the better, building even further on the humane and innovative work the Quakers began in 1792.

 

If you would like to find out more please get in touch by using the form below, or emailing york@theretreatclinics.org.uk or manchester@theretreatclinics.org.uk.

Is my child’s behaviour good or bad? Perhaps it isn’t either, maybe it is just adaptive?

How can you help your child to cope with change and new experiences?

Many of us have recently experienced the shift to the routine of school and work life after the Summer Holidays. This big transition can often be bumpy and moving from holidays to routine, and the small transitions such as leaving the house for school, are often moments that children, and teenagers appear to behave in ways which could be thought about as “good or bad behaviour”.  This way of thinking might be useful in terms of boundaries, but perhaps it doesn’t help us enough in understanding why this behaviour happens or thinking about ways things could be managed better.

A teenager who struggles to get out of bed, or whose attitude is a bit more “fighty” just at the moment they need to leave the house, is a picture which I am sure is familiar to many of us.  Why does this happen?

In evolutionary terms, these responses, which could be thought about as being adaptive – meaning useful for survival, may have been really helpful; the people who stayed asleep in the cave and hid, and the ones who left the cave with a little too much attitude, are probably the ones who didn’t get eaten by lions. “But there aren’t any lions in year 9?” I hear you say.  And you would be right.  However, the emotional, or more instinctive parts of our brains are still wired for survival, and it is this part of the brain which sometimes responds in a survival type of way when a teenager is confronted with going into school.  Even though there are rarely any real threats, we need to understand that, for example, the bodily experience of being 11 years old and five foot one and being amongst 1,400 other pupils, may well illicit these survival responses and make it difficult for a young person to feel safe.

The emotional world is very much tied in with a bodily sense of the world.  This is why a physical sense of things for young people can have such strong resonance in terms of safety.  For younger children, this could explain what might seem like an irrational insistence on wearing a vest, or taking an object from home into school with them.  For teenagers it could explain always wanting to carry a heavy bag or travelling to school with a hood up in all weathers (there is a reason Kenny from Southpark, a young person with a keen sense of his own safety, always has his hood up!)

Perhaps it is useful to think in terms of what makes children and teenagers feel safe in these situations; to allow some space to attend to these feelings of uncertainty to try and connect and engage with the more emotional, instinctive parts which are being activated.  Allowing some space for thought around these feelings, might allow some of the air to be let out from the balloon of the situation, hopefully before it explodes!

How can you support your child?

A moment of transition for children and young people, is often also the same moment of transition for parents and carers in a family.  For example, trying to get to work as young people are going out to school.  If you are stressed and running late yourself (easily done), the feelings of uncertainty or worry in a young person will be difficult to give attention to.  Try and create a situation where you are calm enough yourself to have some space to think together.

The initial response from a child or young person in these moments is probably going to be the emotional response, this is because (in very simple terms) the first response will be a bodily emotional response, the brain or mind catches up afterwards and then a style of thinking is established.  This is why it is so important there is a little bit of time for a child or young person to process or unpack the initial feeling with someone.

For example, a lost planner might seem truly disastrous in the first instance, but with time, and an adult to help them find space for some more practical rational thinking to happen (are there are other solutions, will the consequences of not having a planner actually be that bad?), things will usually seem less like the world will end.  In time the hope is a young person begins to recognise these strong initial responses themselves and as they absorb the experience of thinking with another, they will hopefully build more capacity for managing and rationalising a more moderate response on their own.

Final thoughts

These blog posts are just a starting point for beginning to think about the way a young person’s behaviour can be connected to their emotional world.  We have very, very briefly explored the beginnings of some ideas around; how feelings around safety are tied to an emotional, instinctive part of ourselves, and how a connection to the physical world around us can be particularly important when thinking about tricky situations.

Our team of experienced therapists at our Children’s and Young People’s Therapy Service can help young adults, children and families to guide them through these kind of issues by providing bespoke therapeutic support.

If you would like to find out more about the services we offer, or how we could help your children and your family, please get in touch by using the form below, or emailing york@theretreatclinics.org.uk or manchester@theretreatclinics.org.uk.

What is Depression?

All of us will have experienced times of feeling low, due to difficulties and disappointments in life, work, and relationships. However, some people struggle with longstanding feelings of sadness, numbness, or low motivation for long periods, which can significantly impact their physical and mental health, as well as their work or studies and relationships.

Depression has a wide range of triggers and can be experienced in different ways by different people. For some, it is a one-off episode triggered by an identifiable event, while for others, depression slowly builds from a series of life challenges or occurs out of the blue, for no easily discernible reason. Sustained low mood can cause us to isolate ourselves from others and lose pleasure in things we would usually enjoy, can make us irritable or can make it difficult to concentrate.

Can The Retreat help with depression?

Depression can be debilitating and is not something people can simply ‘get over’ at will. With the right treatment, however, it is possible to make steps toward recovery, and it’s important not to underestimate or dismiss low mood or negativity about oneself. Our evidence-based therapies can help you explore the causes of your feelings, regain a sense of purpose and pleasure in life, as well as give you the tools to manage and cope when you do feel down. At our Initial Assessment, our therapist will work supportively alongside you, to identify the right therapy approach for you.

If you would like to arrange an assessment appointment to see whether therapy can help you, please give us a call on 01904 412551.

What is Anxiety?

Most of us will have experienced a difficult or stressful situation which has provoked feelings of panic, anxiety, and fear in us. These feelings are completely natural in that they help us prepare to respond to danger, and they tend to be infrequent.

However, if you struggle with anxiety these feelings may occur regularly and can happen without warning, causing distress and leaving you feeling powerless and out of control.

Anxiety can affect us physically and emotionally, can change our behaviour and can cause difficulties in our relationships, at work, and in our mood.

If this sounds like your experience, then please know that you are not alone; anxiety is one of the most common reasons that people seek therapy, and therapy can help.

Can The Retreat help with anxiety?

Our therapists can help you to explore the possible causes and triggers of your anxiety, in a safe way, and will work with you to develop effective coping strategies. Therapy can help you think and feel differently and bring about positive change, giving you techniques and tools that will help you manage stressful situations in the future.

Our evidence-based therapies are tailored to your needs, whether that be a specific approach such as cognitive behavioural therapy, or an unstructured space to begin to explore what your anxiety is about.

If you would like to arrange an assessment appointment to see whether therapy can help you, please give us a call on 01904 412551.

What is loss and what does grief feel like?

Bereavement and loss are a universal experience, although it happens to us in different ways and affects us in different ways. Losing a loved one when they die, or suffering the loss of a relationship, financial security, an opportunity, or one’s health can all mean having to experience feelings of grief and mourning.

Some people suffer early and traumatic losses, whilst others can live largely without thinking about the reality of death and loss, until it is visited upon them. In some cultures, death and dying is not much talked about, and so many people feel unprepared when it happens. They may feel that they are struggling alone, unsure if what they are experiencing is ‘normal’, or if they are grieving in ‘the right way’.

Grief is a process of adjustment, a highly personal emotional process, which we all find our unique way through. It can affect people of any age, and many factors can affect the course of grieving such as the circumstances around the loss, other life issues going on at the same time, and most importantly the nature of the relationship to the something or someone lost.

The experience of mourning and bereavement changes over time, although at times it can feel as though strong feelings like sadness or anger will remain forever. Feelings can be very mixed; mourning is not just about feeling sadness. These different emotions can come in ‘waves’ and can take a physical form, affecting appetite and sleep; its certainly true that mourning is tiring, because it is emotional work. There may be times of feelings calm and moments of joy, as well as periods of numbness.

However, if you experience numbness or disconnection from your feelings for a sustained period, it could be useful to seek professional help. Similarly, if you are feeling under pressure to ‘be strong not sad’ and ‘keep going’, or feel you are ‘stuck’ with particular feelings or thoughts, accessing therapy could help you re-engage with the process of mourning and come through it.

However, grief affects you, it’s important to ensure you have support around you whilst you’re going through it. It may feel difficult to know or express what you might need from others, especially in the early stages of mourning, but having people to check in with you and help you with ordinary practical things can make a big difference. Similarly, if you notice that you have withdrawn and become isolated for some time, it may be useful to access professional help.

Therapy can support people as they go through the process of mourning by allowing a safe exploration of feelings, as well as by providing information and tools to help people cope. Therapy is not usually recommended during the early stages of grief, when the natural process of mourning and beginning to feel the loss is best supported by time with family and friends as well as by getting enough rest and looking after oneself. However, therapy can be particularly helpful when the loss is complicated by a difficult relationship to the person, or where grieving has become ‘stuck’ or interrupted.

Our experienced and skilled clinicians can help you manage experiences of loss, supporting you to develop a deeper connection with yourself and with a sense of purpose and wholeness.

Victoria: Reflecting on her Autism diagnosis

Victoria first came to The Retreat to access autism services in 2017, which led to a diagnosis, aged 36. After her diagnosis, and at the same time as completing a PhD researching philosophy and body-mind practices, she attended post-diagnostic support at The Retreat.

Reflecting on her diagnosis, Victoria began to see connections between her PhD research and her lived experience of autism, and considered whether her knowledge might benefit other autistic people, particularly in relation to sensory differences in autism.

“Autistic people often experience high levels of anxiety, and I’m interested in finding ways, through movement and stimming, to calm the nervous system and improve quality of life,” she explains.

So, when Dr Katja Osswald, the Retreat’s Clinical Lead for Autism, suggested that The Retreat were developing a Peer Mentor service, she was keen to be involved.

“Katja was interested in the research I was doing, looking at the relationship between body-mind practices and autism, and thought it might benefit the autism service,” said Victoria.

The Peer Mentoring service draws on mutual lived experience. By using shared experience as a guide, Peer Mentors support mentees to create self-determined pathways to wellbeing, self-awareness and personal development.

Victoria has been involved in developing the Peer Mentoring service at The Retreat and is now employed as an Expert by Experience and a sessional member of staff. This compliments her other role as an Autism Spectrum Specialist Mentor and Study Skills practitioner with Spectrum First Education, based at The University of York.

Most recently, Victoria has joined the City of York Council Mental Health Partnership Northern Quarter Project, as a person with lived-experience, and as a representative of The Retreat.

In this capacity, Victoria is raising awareness by advocating for autism specific pathways in mental health services, and improved access to peer mentor support for autistic people in the city.

The Retreat’s Amy Bedingham thanks the resilience of parents and teachers

As we reach the end of the academic year today, we wanted to acknowledge our local community of children and young people, parents and carers, and schools.

Firstly, thank you to our educators. To our teachers, teaching assistants, early years educators, childminders and nurseries, and the support staff teams in schools who have all worked tirelessly, in such difficult circumstances this year. We recognise the challenges, the ever-changing circumstances, the level of responsibility and accountability, the tear-inducing need for updated protocols, urgent updates and schoolwide systems. Thank you for persevering. The Retreat has a number of Clinicians who are trained teachers: they are well aware of how challenging the role is, even in a pre-COVID world. The Retreat can offer supervision, group or individual therapy, or facilitate a psychologically-informed space to reflect on the past school year; get in touch with us.

To the parents and carers who have juggled more than we ever though you would have to, thank you. You have demonstrated endurance and flexibility and kept going when you had the anxiety of the dreaded ‘ping’; yet another notification from school or nursery, Track and Trace, or members of your support bubble. You may have been isolated, but you are certainly not alone. If you need to talk to someone about how you are feeling, please look on the NHS website: https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/stress-anxiety-depression/mental-health-helplines/ or contact the Samaritans: Phone 116 123, Email jo@samaritans.org.

To the children and young people in our community: you have demonstrated an incredible amount of strength and resilience, and your ability to keep going in the face of change and uncertainty is admirable. We know of young people who loathed home schooling, who just wanted to go back… until they were called back in, with masks and twice-weekly testing, and just wanted to be at home again. To all the children and young people who have missed out on sports days, events, transitions and ‘goodbyes’ due to COVID: you are not alone, although it can sometimes feel that way. Even if you can’t find the words, there are lots of ways to work through how you are feeling. Our creative therapy team can help you to identify and explore your thoughts.

As a parent, carer or teacher, it can be difficult to know how to keep a child safe and protected, both physically and emotionally. If you are worried about a child or young person, please call the NSPCC Helpline, Telephone 0808 800 5000, or email help@nspcc.org.uk for help, advice and support from trained child counsellors. You can also raise concerns with your family GP. If you feel there is an urgent risk to anyone’s health, wellbeing or safety, always call the emergency services on 999.

Everyone copes differently. As today marks the end of the academic school year, we hope that you are all able to enjoy the summer holidays, to rest, to breathe, to explore, and to look after yourself.

To find out more about The Retreat’s therapy services, or to book an appointment please call 01904 412 551 or email info@theretreatyork.org.uk