Dealing With Relationship Problems
Whether you have been in a relationship for a year or twenty years, one thing is guaranteed, at some point you will face challenges together that can either draw you closer together or pull you apart. Each relationship may have differing challenges and each relationship must find their own solution/s to navigate those challenges. Some of these challenges might be internally driven within the relationship and others come from outside of the relationship. These challenges will come in differing shapes and sizes too, for example life changes such as redundancy, childbirth or retirement might be significant experiences to negotiate, but so too are affairs, health problems, wider family involvement and financial matters. Life has a way of plunging us into difficult situations and you, and your partner/s, may feel left to sink or swim. It is therefore very important to learn how to respond to these challenges and, as a couple/triad/throuple, be able to work together to try and resolve them in a healthy way.
Holidays can be a challenging period for relationships. This could be due to multiple reasons such as being alone together, bad weather, having family visit, or simply the strain emotionally and financially to produce a holiday experience that everyone is happy with. Ultimately however, for many people who are in a relationship, especially if it is long-term, the last thing you want is for it to break down irreparably.
Our Couples Therapy and Psychosexual Therapy team at The Retreat Clinics, offer here some simple tips for talking through any issues you are having, with the aim of making positive changes that result in a happy, healthy relationship.
- Acknowledge the Issue
Be it money worries, work stress, trust or intimacy concerns, it is important to face the issue head on and acknowledge the part it is playing in your relationship. Be aware of your own feelings and ask your partner about theirs. Now is the time to bring them for discussion, so that you can work on a resolution in the coming year. Don’t procrastinate. Often problems get worse over time and therefore the sooner they are spoken about, the quick the resolution can be found.
Intimacy concerns can be more difficult to discuss however, understanding and naming the problems now can then, in the long-term, lead to a much more fulfilling sex life. If the problems that exists relates to a sexual dysfunction e.g. Erectile dysfunction, arousal or orgasm problems, sexual pain etc, then get professional advice from your GP or a psychosexual therapy therapist.
- Create Time to Talk
Communication in a relationship is essential. Once you have acknowledged that there is a problem, carve out the time to talk about how you both feel. Try a change of scenery, such as taking a walk together to discuss your feelings, as it will help you to break out from your usual patterns and allow you to be more open with one another.
Try not to get lost in the details but try to explain how the problem is affecting you, for example, rather than saying “you always leaving your things all over the house, I am not your slave and will not keep picking things up after you”, instead you could say “I’ve noticed you have left your things around the house recently and it is getting me down because I am so tired at the moment. Can we talk about this?”.
Try and avoid defensive language, name calling or bringing up past arguments. Using “I” statements can support open dialogue, for example, rather than “you never…” instead try “I feel…”. Additionally, if the discussion becomes heated then take time out and agree a time and place to talk about it again once emotions have stabilised.
- Make Sure to Listen
A big part in learning how to improve communication skills in relationships is giving your partner the opportunity to explain their point of view, fully and without interruption, whatever you may wish to say. You may not agree with them, but taking the time to listen shows that you respect their feelings. You might like to repeat what you have heard them say so that you know, and they know, that you have heard them correctly. Doing so may find that they are more receptive when it is their turn to listen to you.
Sometimes, despite your best efforts, it may feel impossible to resolve the issues by yourselves. Maybe you feel like you are ‘going round in circles’, rehashing the same old disagreements, or struggling to talk. If this is this case, Couple’s Therapy or Psychosexual Therapy can help improve relationship communication, with the support of a trained professional who can work with you both.
Here at The Retreat Clinics, our experienced psychotherapists can help you take the steps towards reconnecting with your partner/s in a neutral and safe environment. Support is given to developing effective communication strategies and providing specific relationship advice as necessary. Couple’s Therapy and Psychosexual Therapy is available to anyone, regardless of sexual orientation or marital status.
To find out more about how we can support your relationship get in touch through one of the following options:
01904 412 551
Clinics in York, Manchester and Online appointments available.