Statistics tell us that men are not referred to talking therapist as often as women and are less
likely to be diagnosed with a mental health condition, however three quarters of suicidal
deaths involve men. We also know that “suicide is the single leading cause of death for men
under 35” (James’ Place, 2025) and that “men are three times more likely than women to die
by suicide” (James’ Place, 2015). What a tragic and sad picture these statistics paint and
what a responsibility we have as mental health support providers to try and educate, de-
stigmatise and innovate the services we offer men.
So why do men struggle to access Mental Health Services?
We might ask why we find ourselves in these circumstances today, and I believe that the
causes are multi-layered and complex. I would suggest the following as part of the problem:
Cultural and Societal Influences
Often, men internalise historical messages, such as “man-up”, “boys don’t cry” and “you
need to be strong” and these have a major role in creating barriers to accessing help,
inducing shame, and this then serves to increase the isolation men can feel. I don’t however
feel that this is the whole picture.
The pressure of expectations
In a highly pressurised world, sometimes the expectations places on us, by others and also
by ourselves, are too high to achieve. No amount of struggling and striving will ever get us to
the point that we, or others might expect, and trying to achieve it can leave us exhausted
and feeling like a failure through no fault of our own. Being able to moderate these
expectations and become more realistic is essential in helping to relieve pressure.
Nowadays a lot of us also seem to have a very active internal critic that is constantly picking
at us and grinding us down. Learning how to quieten this internal critic will enable us to build
a defence to these life demands without cost to our self-esteem.
Service provision
Perhaps we, as mental health providers have a role to play too? Are our services accessible
and suitable for men? Can we offer choice? Do we expect men to fit in with our general
service provision? Here, at the Retreat, we have given thought to these challenges and in
doing so can offer out of hours appointment, we have male therapists too and when
accessing a new client, we focus on the specific needs of each client so that they can
access a suitable model of therapy, and the right therapist that will help them achieve the
best possible outcome. We encourage a collaborative approach so that men feel
empowered and have autonomy when choosing their therapy and how they work in it.
Likewise, we consider the holistic nature of a person’s psychological wellbeing and may
make signposting recommendations to further support individual clients between sessions.
We know that therapy works, providing the relationship between client and therapist is
strong, and these are some of the things that we are focusing on when offering a therapeutic
intervention.
What can you do?
Society too has a role play in supporting, or better still, encouraging men, to express their
vulnerability and emotions. Too often men have felt that they need to repress such feelings
and this can be harmful. Likewise supporting men to move away from the mindset that they
must “fix” themselves and into a mindset of letting others help, would be a huge change for
the better. There seems to be so much shame associated with not being able to deal with
the pressures of life. Communities that come together in acknowledgement that they can’t
cope are communities that are stronger. These communities send out a clear message that
it’s okay, not to be okay, you are not alone, and recovery is possible.
There is more than one way out.
Finally, when in crisis and feeling like death is the only control you have left, reaching out to
organisations like the Samaritans or Shout can provide a safe, confidential, anonymous
space for you to talk. Likewise, don’t rule out GP/NHS support, which can not only provide
medication support but also access to therapy.
Recovery is possible and I believe that part of the treatment is connection with a supportive
other/s, thereby driving away the isolation and being non-judgementally heard, in a
confidential and safe place, with acceptance and compassion. Perhaps there really is some
truth in that saying “a trouble shared, is a trouble halved”?
In you are in need of mental health support, help is just a phone call away…
Samaritans: Call 116 123 (free, 24/7 support for anyone in distress).
Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM): Call 0800 58 58 58 (free, 5 PM to midnight daily).
Shout: Text 85258 (free, 24/7 text support service).
Mind: Call 0300 123 3393 or text 86463 (for mental health information and support).
Papyrus HOPELINEUK: Call 0800 068 4141 or text 07860 039967 (for young people under 35 experiencing thoughts of suicide).
References: https://www.jamesplace.org.uk/facts-and-
figures/#:~:text=Three%20quarters%20(4%2C213)%20of%20these,average%2C%20135%20people%20are%20
affected.