Medically reviewed by
Consultant Psychiatrist. MB BS, MRCPsych, CCST Specialist Training in Adult Psychiatry and Addictions.
Last reviewed
Intimate relationships can be challenging for us all. Differences between partners can be difficult as well as exciting and enriching. When one or both/all partners are neurodivergent, there can be noticeable differences in the way each person responds to situations.
These differences can bring new perspectives. They can also be hard for the other person to understand and adapt to. With awareness of the potential difficulties, and support to make adaptations, couples can manage their relationship/s and find positive ways to stay connected.
The Retreat Clinics offers neurodivergent couples therapy at our clinics in York and Manchester, and online. It helps you and your partner/s make sense of your differences and respectfully work with them.
Common challenges in neurodiverse relationships
Common challenges couples experience where one or both/all partners are neurodivergent (ND) include:
- Different ways of processing information. These differences can lead to misunderstandings, and to emotional outbursts or overwhelm, on both sides.
- Different perspectives on decisions. Each partner might have very different views on solutions or choices, especially where changes in plans, routines or behaviours are needed.
- Communication stress. Partners may naturally communicate in very different ways, which can lead to stress and feelings of guilt, blame and responsibility.
- Trust that takes time to build. A lack of understanding about neurodiversity, and previous experiences of prejudice and stigma, can mean trust takes a long time to develop.
Understanding each other is the foundation. Working with the strengths and limitations of each partner/s can help build a stronger and more rewarding relational bond.
What is neurodivergent couples therapy?
Couples therapy involves the partners in a relationship working with a therapist together to explore their relationship difficulties, understand how these developed, and find a happier, healthier way through problems and challenges. You can read more about our couples therapy service.
Neurodivergent informed therapy is not a separate model of therapy. It means our therapists hold in mind their knowledge of neurodiversity and how it can affect people’s experiences and lives, while approaching each client with curiosity and open mindedness, not making assumptions.
We recognise there is no “one size fits all”: every neurodivergent person is unique, just as every neurotypical person is. All the types of therapy available in our service can be adapted to be suitable, depending on your needs and preferences and what you would like to use therapy for.
How couples therapy can help
Our experienced couples therapists can offer:
- Impartial observations and constructive challenges, balanced with empathy and support
- Help to understand your current difficulties and explore how they developed
- A better understanding of your own and your partner’s feelings
- Enhanced communication and problem-solving skills
- Support to rediscover the strengths in your relationship and develop new ones
Because our therapists are neurodivergent informed, they will also take time to understand what your experiences mean to you, so that therapy can be adapted accordingly. For example, they can:
- Use clear and direct communication, without making assumptions about what is understood between you and your therapist
- Pace sessions and therapy work according to your needs, including whether a longer or shorter session time is more helpful
- Keep the therapy environment reliable and predictable, being careful to avoid sensory overload
- Use structure and make any rules clear, so you know where you stand and what is happening
- Understand the effort and stress that can come with feeling you have to “fit in” in the face of social pressures, stigma and discrimination
Couples therapy where autism or ADHD is part of the picture
In our therapy services, our clinicians are experienced in working with adults who are autistic and/or who have ADHD. All our therapists have done additional training and learning around neurodiversity, and have experience of adapting their core therapy approaches when working with neurodivergent clients.
Relationship challenges are also one of the areas our specialist psychology team supports adults with a diagnosis of autism, ADHD or both. If one of you would like individual support alongside couples work, you may be interested in:
What to expect from your first session
The first step is an initial consultation of 50 minutes with your partner/s and one of our couples therapists, to discuss your main concerns and think together about how therapy may be able to help.
We do not currently offer court-directed mediation, but we do work with couples who have already decided to separate and want to be supported through this process.
We do not work with couples where there is recent or current physical violence in the relationship. If you are experiencing domestic violence, or are concerned about the way your partner behaves towards you, including psychological mistreatment or emotional abuse, you can find useful information and support on IDAS or on gov.uk.
How much does neurodivergent couples therapy cost?
Couples therapy is one of our specialist therapies, listed at £100 per session on our prices page. We believe it is important to be transparent about our prices at every stage, and our team will talk you through the exact prices for your treatment before you book.
Where you can see us
We offer couples therapy at our clinics in York and Manchester, and online. Online sessions use secure technology, so you can experience your therapy in the comfort of your home should this work best for you. You can read more about how your therapy could work.
How to get started
If you are ready to begin therapy, please complete our Adult Self-Referral Form.
Or if you would like us to complete the form with you, call us on 01904 412 551.
If you are unsure whether you need therapy within our general adult service or our neurodiversity service, please get in touch using the form below. We would be delighted to discuss your situation and needs with you.
Frequently asked questions
Our therapists are interested in your experience wherever you are on the journey, including your thoughts and feelings about a diagnosis of autism or ADHD, or about beginning the process of assessment.
Yes. We offer couples therapy in York, Manchester and online, using secure technology so you can take part from home.
Couples therapy is £100 per session (see our prices page for current fees). Our team will talk you through the exact prices for your treatment before you book.
We work with couples who have already decided to separate and want to be supported through this process. We do not currently offer court-directed mediation.